Do not call me feminist

If chaos is what you seek in a Nigerian gathering, forget bombs, all you really need is an 8-lettered word and a plate of peppered meat. Feminism. Then you can watch the room burn. 

Feminism is a word that flies over our space more often than there are enough birds in the sky. Everyone knows it, but only a few have taken time to look it up. Amongst these few are mostly those who merely stumbled on a Twitter post with an exciting caption...'Men are scum' or 'The West is corrupting our girls'. The issue is that such persons are left with skewed views and notions that they then develop as best suits them.

Do you remember being called in class by your stern looking teacher to define a term you barely knew? 'What is soliloquy?'...'Define respiration'.

You stuttered, guessed, and hoped that by saying what you were certain was not the right answer, you would arrive eventually at what is. 

We would be taking this route not because we lack sufficient knowledge but because a proper discussion about feminism cannot ensue without assertions of what feminism is not.

Feminism is not a western idea. 

People make this statement often, but it is only a shadow of their actual belief. What they truly mean is that the very acts of rebellion, and activism, and refusal to accept what is, contrary to that of humility and subservience are not Nigerian. Definitely not to be expected of women. 

There are those who believe this simply because they skipped too many history classes. But there are also those who do because they have been immersed so deeply in the construct of patriarchy.

We have the likes of Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, Margaret Ekpo, amongst many others. We have the Aba Women’s Riot of 1929. That riot, where thousands of women resisted unfair colonial taxation, stands as one of the earliest organized feminist movements in Africa.

History is littered with incidents of Nigerian women standing firmly to resist such powers seeking to subject them to unfair circumstances simply on the basis of gender.

Feminism is not anti-religion

The Nigerian society is one deeply immersed in religion. Women who subscribe to the idea of feminism are accused of 'rebelling against divine order', this is particularly as regards the subject of marriage. I say this as one who holds deep respect for the institution —marriage, and a firm believer in divine authority.

The Nigerian Christo-Islamic culture teaches that a woman submits to her husband. But submission in love is not the same as slavery. It is not subservience or an erasure of identity. Religion should not be used as an excuse to rid a woman of her voice. To strip her of choice. 

Feminism is not anti-marriage

A lady walks into a room, elegant and graceful, with kind beauty, lots of it. She is established and settled in all of the ways you can expect. She is unmarried, maybe in her early thirties. But the moment she makes mention of feminism, she is immediately seen as a man-hater who for very obvious reasons has been unable to secure a husband.

Feminism is not anti-marriage but says clearly that the decision to get married or not belongs solely to the concerned individual, regardless of what gender they are. A woman should not be regarded as a failure or success simply on the basis of her marital status.

Feminism is not misandry 

To define a thing is first to give it content. It is to provide it with stuff, substance that will then be enclosed in a box. This box represents a clear context. It is what makes a definition whole enough to address the subject.

Taking the content out of the context is the very beginning of many contentions. But there are many who have chosen that path, to hang themselves on the far ends of the spectrum. And I do not dispute this. But the fact is that this is the reality of many social ideas. It is not exclusive to feminism. Long before now, people have employed the craft of bending concepts to suit their own agendas.

This is the category of those seizing feminism as a tool to propagate their hate for the male gender.

Feminism appreciates that society is a system. In a system, every wheel and cog is important. In the same vein, the male gender is valuable. Just as valuable. Not more, not less. 

Feminism is not the erasure of feminity

Perhaps the most important notion to be emphasized is that feminism is not a concept to erase femininity. It is not the making of women into what they are not —Men. It only insists that whatever she wears, lipstick, hijab, or suit, she is still free.

What then is Feminism? 

It is a talk of Choice. It is that women have as equal a right to choose as men do. I do not mean equity, clearly because this has been the veil many like to hide beneath.

Feminism is that women are as human as men and hence should be treated as such. To deny gender equality is to claim men are superior. That logic puts women closer to animals than humans. Dehumanizing would be the word for it.

Humans are superior to dogs, cats, and bulls. This is the reason we can kill a fowl on the eve of Christmas, or a ram on Eid. It is the reason we can choose to keep a bird as a pet without a need for the bird's permission. It is because humans are superior to other beings on the planet, it means that we decide what happens to them.

To deny gender equality is to claim men are superior. It is the same mindset that marries off girls at 13, mutilates them in the name of purity, silences them in the name of tradition. It is like what you do to a bull. You cut it so it becomes less wild, less rebellious, more yielding. It is to bring it under subjection. 

What makes these acts so grievous is beyond the bleeding that happens. It is beyond the many risks of infectious diseases, or of futures blurred. It is beyond the many dreams aborted, or death. It is that a woman is stripped of her right to choose. A statement to refute her humanity. If you say she is not human, she becomes an object of your desire–a slave.

Feminism is not a threat. It is a mirror held up to society, asking one question: Do you believe women are human?

If your answer is yes, you are a feminist. Whether you like the label or not. If your answer is no, then what you defend is not tradition. It is barbarism dressed as culture. 

Defenders of humanity, or of barbarism.

There are no middle grounds.

—Written by Ayomide Oriowo.